Just Being (…and Yes, the Chocolate Sprinkle Donut Matters)

I used to think growth would feel loud. Like a big shift, a clear before and after, something I could point to and say, this is where everything changed.

But now that I’m here, it’s actually quiet.

It’s subtle. It’s calm. It’s not something I’m chasing anymore. It’s something I’m in.

And sometimes, it looks like me eating a chocolate sprinkle donut and not overthinking it. Which, if you know me, that’s one of my favorites, so yes, it matters.

There was a time when I would feel something shift in my body before I even realized what was happening. That tension. That instant reaction. And I would move with it without questioning it.

Now I don’t react the same way.

Not because I’m forcing myself not to, but because I understand myself more. When something comes up, I pause just enough to notice it. And I already know it’s not about the surface. It never is. It’s deeper than whatever just happened, tied to something internal, something I’ve already taken the time to understand. Because of that, I don’t get pulled into it the same way anymore.

That cycle of reacting without awareness isn’t where I am now.

What I am in now is a place of honoring myself. Knowing what I like and don’t like. Saying no without needing to explain it ten different ways. Setting boundaries and not feeling guilty about it. Not feeling like I have to be everything for everyone.

There’s a balance to it, and I can honestly say I’m in it.

My life isn’t loud right now, and I’m okay with that. It’s being at home with my kids. Drawing, talking, playing outside, listening to whatever random topic they’re excited about that day, dancing in the kitchen for no reason. Those moments people call small, they’re not small to me. They’re everything. They compound in ways you don’t always see right away, but you feel over time.

And I don’t feel the need to be everywhere anymore. I’m not running anyone else’s race.

There’s a quote by Charles R. Swindoll that I still carry with me: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” And I get that now in a way I didn’t before. Because this year has been heavy. There were moments that stretched me, moments that didn’t feel good, moments where I could have reacted differently.

But I don’t sit in that.

I see it for what it was, I take what I need from it, and I move forward. No attachment, no over-identifying.

Something else I’ve learned is how much your mind will try to run the show if you let it. It will create stories that feel real even when they’re not. It will frame situations in ways that trigger emotions that don’t actually match what’s happening. And if you don’t catch it, it will guide everything.

But I catch it now.

I pause and ask myself, is this actually true, or is this just how I’m seeing it? That question alone has changed a lot.

Letting go of control has also been a big part of this. Not needing to define myself by my wins. Not attaching myself to my failures. Not making every moment mean something about who I am. Some things are just moments, and I let them be that.

There’s a level of peace in just existing that I didn’t fully understand before. Not trying to prove anything, not trying to force anything, not trying to be seen a certain way. Just being.

I am. I exist. And that’s enough.

And honestly, sometimes that looks like deep reflection. And sometimes it looks like me, in my glasses, mid-bite into a chocolate sprinkle donut, probably with sprinkles falling everywhere, just enjoying it. No overthinking, no analyzing, no trying to make it mean something.

Just this is good. I’m here. I’m present.

This year has had a lot of layers. A lot of ups and downs. And I’ve learned it’s okay to sit in the hard moments too. Not rush past them, not avoid them, just be in them. And also recognize that there are people around me who love me and are willing to sit there with me.

Accepting that has been part of my growth too. And giving that same support back. Because we’re not meant to do this alone.

I’ve also realized how much more you understand when you observe instead of react. You see more. You process more. You move differently. More intentionally.

At the end of the day, everything comes back to this. I’m a leader at home first. And everything I’m learning, every shift that already happened, every moment of growth, I pour into my kids. Supporting who they are, giving them the space to think, to feel, to become, so when they go out into the world, they know how to stand on their own.

So yeah, growth doesn’t always look the way you think it will. Sometimes it’s not loud. Sometimes it’s just peace. Sometimes it’s just presence. And sometimes it’s a chocolate sprinkle donut.

When was the last time you let yourself just be without trying to turn it into something more?